The Tournament –  The M/ile does it right. Teams from all over.  Great sound system and a beer garden to boot.  The ground up glass glass eating contest was the best. Since other leagues copy the M/ile stroke for stoke they should run the ground up glass eating contest because it was the best part of the day. Ground it up! Eat up! Yum!

Riley street ralphers - Thanks guys. You let a drunken Moh come on the field for the other team and drive right down the field and score.  Now we have to hear about it.

Kozlowski and ACE –  Above and beyond the advertised price. Kozlowski brought in Pete from Green machine and brought the house dow. Ballsy play of the day. ACE went for a 2 point win rather than  tie. Super Stuff.

The Tammy,s –   Won the divison on a goofy call at the goalline and ran out of the door with the second place trophy. give it back and feel fortunate you won anything.

The Ladies of Dixie Normous - Refused to dedicate their game to their personal savior ( Renzo) as Moh begged them to do. You see where it got them.

Pick Six Gordon's– Nick from Geckos stole the show with a nifty INT. off of Taylor from the Shockers . You definitly had to be there to see how sick it was but it was sports center material and he did it going into the beer garden side of the field house. 

Taylor from Team shocker  – Obviously never read the story of Sampson and deliah.  Our boy cut his hair short and he couldn't get over the hump.

Snyder's Pub   - The girls from SPJ actually drank beer before, during and after thier game and actually won their division and came in second.

The Handle - Yes they won their division without Pogozinski but couldn't place better than 3rd place without him proving his true worth as the team MVP.
 

Jon Diodote –  He came and came within 1 bad call of beating the Tammy's and winning second place. Diodote is a huge talent and class act for not argueing the call.

Fake Td's  –  0- and 3? Oh a Fucking three? lasua blanked in a game? That Idiot  Captain of the Costa Concordia had a better month.

Ron Kozlowski ACE – The Residents of the carribean Island of cauracu have Nicknamed Kozlowski “el demonio del viento” or “The Devil’s Wind” for his flat out speed. Warning to the other teams in the división, do Not try to cover him man on man or even two men on man. Try some sort of two deep cover 3.

Nicole Piccuolo – B.A.M.F. – Cheapest girl player ever. After a game in the tournament last year a guy player on the other team fell to his knees and wept claiming there was no God. The refs will be armed with tasers this year.

Fred Hahn – Known as the hammer. Spent last session sharpening his skills in the very competitive macaroons D1. He was not pleased with his teams efforts. Watch for the Burn. Fred was all tournamnet last year and will probably repeat.

John Diodote – QB. – split with long time pal Kozlowski and ACE to reform his own team. Dio comes with a chip on his shoulder and fire in his arm. He’ll no doubt try and show something by going deep often. Watch for vapor trails.

Phil Messner – Traded in his receivers shoes for Quaterback glove. His team Claims he was the second best QB in their division last year. We belive We belive.

Jim Gulfinda – QB pork Pullers. Went over to the UB league to toughen up his squad. We were looking kinda soft in the spring and we felt that playing in the mud at UB would give our leags the stretch they needed. Jimbo likes to throw at lot of the vertical stuff and does it well.

Jacob Banno – BAMF – last year Jbones had a nifty pick 6 in game one. Lack of conditioning cut his B.A.M.F.’s day short but they are back. Watch for Jdog to light it up.

Mark Aquino – razzle dazzle -  Marky Mark is in peak condition. MM roams from sideline getting into the shit. He’ll make a difference on offense and defense.

Andy Lasua – Fake Td’s. OUR GUY. The Tammy Killer. In French L'homme aux mains d'or, The man with the Golden Hands. Lasua brings grace and elagance to the tournament. The Fake TD’s start the tournament with a championship against the Tammy’s. OUR guy owns the Tammy’s and may have chased them right out of the M/ile.

Morning A

The skinny

Razzle dazzle

1 - 1

Awesome talent and firepower. Marky Mark and crew should have the overall edge. The overall winner of the divisions and tournament will have to be in tip – top shape because of the ample 3 – 40 minute game format. and MM is a work-out fanatic and will no doubt keep his team cut and focused with some severe off season cardio.  Feel the burn baby.

General Mills

2 -1

Weak. Most of their boy players sat out the playoffs to go sit in tree and shoot at non-existent animals. GM chief honk Joe Dantonio wants it to be known that his squad is back together and will be with original Gal players Sally and Justine playing. So? It doesn’t get them much. We think they’ll win two and get gassed right at the end of their second game and fall apart before game 3.

Tote’s McGoats

3 - 1

Second year in for the Mcgoats. Adam and company come over from the league at UB. Those boys play a more serious hard core game and leave the nonsense to the other leagues. These guys come with a serious agenda and plan to take care of business and leave the yacking to other people. They won’t come to the Ralph to play but rather to invade. Watch for the boom.

Snyder’s Pub

4 - 1

The Juggs won the Macaroon’s division III. They are built for championships and tournaments ( i.e. they don’t play all out in the regular season). Laura starts planning for the tournament just about when the thanksgiving turkey carcass gets tossed out so her team should be ready. The key is how much team palates guy Alex can get the Juggs boy players into the zumba studio.

Timberwolves 

7 - 1

The latest team in from the Flame On! league (kinda). Bryan Fite brings his band of Hick ex -h igh school players - they are in thier early 20,s . They'l learn quick that the M/ile is more tahn athletisicm.

Ace

8 - 1

To his credit Moh gets only the best and brightest and most talented for the prestigious Indoor tournament.. No showcase of talent would be complete without the outright speed, talent, and class of the Koz. Huge side story: For reasons unknown ACE and QB Johnny Dio have finally parted ways. Convention wisdom says that ACE has no chance. Not so, In the front office move of the decade Kozlowski went out and signed by far the best free agent QB available in any universe. Pistol Pete Merlo late of green Machine. Can this much combined talent even fit in the Bills healthy zone field house? We’ll see on the 4^th.

Whitcomm-Randall

15 - 1

The Washington generals of the Mile. They’ll be on their cell phones two minutes before game time looking for Will who’ll run in 3 minutes after the game starts in time to throw a minimum of 3 ints. If Whitcomms girl cousin plays she’ll win the girl MVP but it won’t be enough..

Wyld stallions

20 - 1

Shameless self-promotion guy Seth Molansari sees playing Co-ed touch football more or less like fantasy football. He spends all week boasting and naming off all of the good players he had assembled around him then when its game time they either forfeit or play with 5 people and bemoan the fact that his hand built team that “could’ve crushed anyone” didn’t show. Molansari wants the world to know that he was late with his deposit because he was down at the flag nationals in Orlando dominating the weaker talent.

Morning B

Goatsack

1 - 1

Goatsack is one of the premier teams in the premier league over at UB. As noted before these teams take their game more seriously and leave the bally-hoo to others. Last year the goats went 2-1 and went a few minutes from winning the whole tournament. Our girl Jenn Cohen has slapped aside captain Andy Kaz because he couldn’t get over the hump and installed herself as commander of the ship.  The rest of the division should fear what is about to hit them.

Morning wood

2 - 1

Standing in the Goats way is Morning wood. In the fall Morning Wood demanded to be in the top division and they took their lumps. Not so, claims long time QB and head man Fred Hahn who insists the experience was good for Morning wood who got too soft when he took a session off. Fred also wants it known that he “took back” his best defensive girl player from another league. Good for them. If Fred stays hot they have a very, very good shot at the gold.

Blitzed

3 - 1

What a journey. Tim Lukasik, tired of losing division II championships in the Mile did what he thought best for Blitzed. He brought them over to the UB league to toughen his team up. “It was sort of like bringing us to marine boot camp”, proclaims Lukasik, “we had a lot of bad habits and We wanted to shock ourselves out of them”. Blitzed is taking the tournament seriously, they are bring back two guys from the Injury repair list early and will be working out select girl players because their two best girl players are out on maternity leave. Side watch; Blitzed has reportedly jettisoned two long time dead weights in cousin Steve and Paul Scinta.

Fat Bob’s pork Pullers

4 - 1

The porkpullers have not missed a Mile tournament – ever. They’ve gone through some personnel changes but the solid core is still there. They have the dubious record of the worst score in any Mile tournament ( 6 total points in first beach tournament) but bounced back in later indoor tournaments. Our boy Jimmy Gufreida has rebuilt the pullers in his own image and they are impressive. They started out hot in the UB league then quickly cooled off when they realized that if they won the division they couldn’t shove the trophy into Moh’s Fat face (we have to admit it’s quite the incentive). “Yeah we were bummed when we thought about it claims Jimmy G”, What good is winning if you can’t shut a bigmouth with it”. The tournament gives them the opportunity.

Lockout

5 - 1

Good guys finish last is Lockout personified. Good guys but they suck. They played in the mighty macaroons 1 division and were outclassed. It is fair to note 2 things about lockout; when they played a cross-over game against the Dock of the bay division they did quite well. They do have the hottest girls in the league. Lockout chief Gabe Savino is clearly out of shape and won’t be able to handle 3 games.

Stop tripping

6 - 1

Our boys from Niagara falls. Loud and brash. They are crowing the fact that they came in a solid 2^nd in a soft division in some soft league someplace. Great job. Phil “the thrill” Messner has taken over the QB duties and with some left over speed receivers the Stop tripping/BDB boys should be able to get over.  Side note; the BDB/stop tripping gang works all night before the games so it’s not clear if lack of sleep will hinder them. We think it will because when they fall behind they tend to get cranky.

The Handle

10 - 1

Sad. Very sad. It seems that team Sway Mark Pogozynski will not be at the game. Pogo wife (and Pogo chief spokesperson) claims hubby Mark will spend the day in Amish country doing some Witness movie re-enactment or something. If so that leaves the Handle with only the core of the Zafrom brothers and sidekick Jason Brohaus to try and get some. Fat chance. Their only chance is to get the Winiwicz sisters off the shelf and in the game.

Dixie Normous – Brockport - TBA

N/L

We have no idea who is taking the last spot. Over expensive Brandy at Chez Moh, Moh mumbled something about “whoever gets their money in first”, so we wait like everyone else.

Mid-day A

Fighting Irish

1 - 1

What is this 2005? It’s no secret that every male player on Fighting Irish has had a major appendage completely rebuilt. Their core of Santucci, Wiegle, and Jones are a shadow of their formers selves and frankly we are a little amused that they are dragging themselves out for another go. No word who’ll they will be suiting up for their girls (they only use them sparingly anyway) but Santucci is still plugged in to the old network so he’ll come up with somebody good. It will come down to what off season flag players Santucci will come up with.

Top Line Solutions

2 - 1

Very Powerful team. Dave C-bus and Mike Paw Paw frequently sit out the tournaments. Check that. They show up but don’t play. They Have uber athlete Mike Boccio to point them in the right direction. TLS didn’t do well in their last session, probably out of boredom. The Mile Indoor tournament tends to jumpstart the heart and this could do it.

Purple Starfish

3  -1

Excellent story. The Purple starfish, The last time they played in the mile they were Invictus. They still have the solid core of Doctor Mark, Jose and his brother Jose.  Rumor on the street is that our Girl veteran Wideout (and staunch Moh Hater) Doreen has been playing with the starfish and since this isn’t technically a Mile tournament she may actually show. If so it’s bad news for the division and worse news for Moh.

Riley Street

4 - 1

The Dynamite will go boom. Riley street won the “super tough” D4 division in the soft league and they are looking for more. Their fortunes will hinge on whether Dylan will Qb or Axel. Each are mediocre but hey they beat up on teams in the fall.

The Dynasty

5 - 1

They had a great streak going in the fall then their team fell into some fiduciary abyss and the league was forced to end their season. They are back and have retooled without superstar Larry. They do have a dynamite QB and some great wideouts. They will have to rely on speed and conditioning and some lucky draws.

Gecko’s

6 - 1

They play dirty and mean. I would not go over the middle against these guys without having your head on a swivel. We like their downfield passing game. We like that they don’t get rattled on the field. We like that they can pummel the Shockers.

Gordon’s

7 -1

They really enjoy playing with just enough players. Sometimes too much. Last fall they lost in the playoffs when their small squad ran out of gas. Sarah Vicki has taken over personnel matters for Gordon’s and that’s a good thing because now Midonski can concentrate on the game and not making phone calls.

The shockers

10 - 1

What happened to these guys? Taylor and company were on a roll. They came within 1 play of winning the tournament last year and two plays from winning the league. Most of them sharpened their skills in the Indoor winter league. They then took a wrong turn and got shaky in a hurry opting to go to the soft league to try and get a quick cheap championship. They failed miserably. Hopefully they can get some stones back by doing well at the Ralph. Very sad but they did get free Ice cream.

Mid-day B

Fake Td’s

1 - 1

Yes! A team that has a strangle hold on the Dock of the bay championship. A team that refuses to get Tammysized. A team that can light it up and doesn’t apologize for it. A team that has the best hands in the free world in Andy Lasua. Fake Td’s had better watch it because THE Bills may grab Lasua.

b.a.m.f.

2 - 1

Bad Ass Mother Fuckers. There we said it. These guys are the truth. The rock the house no matter who they play. They have one of the most feared female players in Nicole Piciulo. A girl so wreckless that leagues have folded when she signed up. Our boy Jacob Bannano wants the tournament to know that they are coming and refuses to apologize about the outcome.

Diodote

4 - 1

Watch out. John “hothead” Diodote is back. We don’t know the circumstances or reasons for the split with Kozlowski, and frankly we don’t care. What we do know is Johnny Dio will bring fire and purpose back to a tournament that needs it. Dio has a phone book size list of former players to choose from. Depending how hot he gets Dio could make a run.

X-Factor

8 – 1

Please. Does anybody really fear these clowns? Sure they won The Mack two conference but when they played at Dock of the bay they looked horrible. This is the tournament punks and you have to have an A game no matter what. X-factor has a B game at best and doesn’t use it much.

The Tammy’s

9 - 1

Weak, extremely weak. The once darlings of the league have fallen quickly.  Their season peaked when our boy Scully picked off a stray out pattern and rumbled down the field but failed to score. They traditionally Have sucked in the tournament and may be without or guy Tom Gordon. They could go 0-3.

Fingers and Butts

10 - 1

Stupid name not withstanding this team is made up from the flame throwers from the Gold’s men’s club softball team. New guy Andy Mikac played some QB for Whitcomm and felt he played well enough that he could do better surrounding himself with “his guys” and can compete. He’ll learn quite quickly that the tournament is not a place to bring a new team.

Pearl necklaces

20 - 1

To be clear the Necklaces had a great team once. The combination of Jon Weber /Bryan Murphy could score whenever they wanted and played defense so well the other teams swore the pearls had 8 players on the field. They had it all, the wins, the stroke, the ladies, and the champagne at pearl street. Then the lost a 24 half time lead to of all people.. Moh. They haven’t recovered and they show no sign of turning it around anytime soon. We hate to say it but they should actually spend a session down in the soft ice cream league trying to get some cheap wins. And return when they find some mojo.

No Ca$h

20,000 -1

Are you kidding? These guys are back? These Bozos should be banned from the tournament because the stench will hang in the Bills healthy zone field house until the draft. Moh has made many mistakes in the past but letting this crew in could be his worst.